“Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world. I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she started living her vocation as a wife and as a mother.” ~ Harrison Butker, Kansas City Chiefs kicker during a commencement speech directed at female college graduates.

Three years after I graduated college, I got married. Five years after that, I found out I was pregnant with our first and only child.

My husband and I were excited, yet terrified. Having a child and being parents would bring big change to our lives, including my career.

Between demanding internships during college and three professional jobs in my field since graduation, I was ready to shift to being a stay-at-home mom. At least, that’s what I thought.

I wanted to be able to be home with my kids. I envisioned shuffling them to school and to sports practices and after-school events. I wanted our house to be the house where all the neighborhood children want to hang out. I was ready to be a mom.

While I was pregnant, I used my skills and connections to start doing some freelance writing work. I figured it would allow me to stay at home and raise my son while also making a little big of money to help with monthly expenses. Except life doesn’t always go exactly how we expect and even when you think you know what you want, you sometimes get a curveball thrown your way.

After my son was born, it wasn’t long before I started to get bored at home. Cuddling with a baby, walks in the stroller and making baby food wasn’t enough for me. I was restless, and before I knew it, I was freelancing so much that I had to put my son in daycare just to keep up with work.

My son started going to daycare two days a week, then three. Next thing I know I’m back to working full-time at the Petoskey News-Review and trying to balance work life, motherhood, marriage and any social obligations I could squeeze in.

And that’s when I was at my happiest. I was getting up at 4:30 a.m. during the week to squeeze in a workout before work, I was eating breakfast at my desk each morning, and I was having to pass on many social events so I could spent more time with my family.

And in all that, I found that being a working mom was what I wanted all along.

And I’m not alone.

A majority (55 percent) of mothers in the United States with children younger than 18 at home are employed full-time, according to a 2019 Pew Research Center Study. That’s up from 34 percent a half-century ago. Of those mothers who work full-time, eight out of 10 say their current employment situation is what’s best for them at this point in their life.

As we debate Kansas City Chief’s Kicker Harrison Butker’s recent commencement speech in which he talked about his wife and how she has embraced “one of the most important titles of all: Homemaker,” we need to acknowledge that not every woman wants to be a wife or a mother.

Butker has every right to speak of his faith and beliefs, and if his wife is happy, that’s all that really matters. For me, I don’t care if a person believes a woman’s proper role is in the home as long as that person understands that life isn’t for everyone.

The purest form of feminism is giving women a choice to be whatever and whoever they want, whether that’s a wife, a mother, someone who dives into their career or a mix of all three. Too often we as a society tend to think of the successes of feminism as women who climb career ladders. Instead, we need to embrace all women for their choices. There’s nothing lesser or shameful about women who choose marriage and motherhood over careers, and there’s nothing wrong with women who choose careers over all else.

It’s fine that Butker shared his wife’s journey. However, assuming her journey is the best choice for all women is delusional.

Butker is just 28 years old, three years younger than I was when I became a parent and thought I knew what I wanted. And all I can say is that Butker may still have a lot to learn. I know I sure did at that age.

To all of this year’s female college graduates, congratulations. Now go be whoever and whatever you want. And if you decide years from now to go in a different direction, that’s just fine.

— Rachel Brougham is the former assistant editor of the Petoskey News-Review. You can email her at racheldbrougham@gmail.com.