Wow! You’d think I had committed heresy!

Years ago, when my daughter married, I gave a short speech to mark the occasion.  After I said nice things about her and her husband, I got to the point.

“Dear daughter,” I began, “You’ve been the victim of a diabolical lie. You’ve been told your marriage is the summit of your life. You’ve been told you found the man of your dreams, the one with whom you should create and rear children. You’ve been told a home and a family will be the joys of your life.

“Sadly, my dear, that’s not true. Your new life will neither fulfill nor complete you. You see, fulfillment and completeness come from neither marriage nor offspring. Rather they come from personal accomplishment — the career you choose, the goals you achieve, the knowledge you add to your profession, and the benefits you provide for mankind. THESE are where you will, deep inside yourself, find satisfaction.

“Sure. Enjoy your wedding and reception. They’re nice. Your husband is a good man. Your kids will be fine. But remember, personal achievement will make you truly happy.”

Like I said, those around me thought I was a blasphemer. The wedding party scowled. The maid of honor wiped tears from my daughter’s cheeks, and not the good kind. My wife glared. I felt her stabbing me with invisible daggers which penetrated my soul. The only other time she had ever looked at me that way was when I mentioned, shortly after our marriage, a particular meal she had cooked was not the way my mother made it.

Hey! All I did on one of the most important days of my child’s life was tell her the way I see things. And people want to crucify me for that? Come on!

Okay, I lied. That’s not what I said at my daughter’s wedding. She is far too savvy to let me talk willy-nilly on her wedding day. And I don’t blame her. She has always shown excellent judgment.

No, I told you this ridiculous fabrication so you can more easily recognize the stupidity shown by Harrison Butker when he addressed the students of Benedictine College during commencement ceremonies on May 11.

Butker, whose notoriety comes from kicking footballs farther than most other Americans, gave one of the most ill-timed and thoughtless graduation speeches ever.

The female graduates who studied, worked, researched, learned, investigated, wrote, debated, deliberated, memorized, calculated, hypothesized, practiced, composed, constructed, created, crammed, read, summarized, reviewed, reported, and performed and for four years at a cost of $130,000 plus room, board, and expenses listened to a speech which rivals, for cluelessness, my made up wedding toast.

On a day to celebrate their efforts, their accomplishments, their potential, and the challenges they may overcome, Butker told them that, deep inside, they know their greatest joy will come through marriage and childrearing. And why? Because he not only perceives such are the roles of women (his religious beliefs seem to shape his philosophy), but also because he perceives his wife has reached the zenith of happiness — marrying him!

Unbelievable.

It’s bad enough his timing was horribly wrong, but his one-size-fits-all message was even worse.

Butker’s belief that all women think the same is as idiotic as talk show hosts of yesteryear who devoted shows to the theme, “What Do Women Want?”

Anyone who believes all women have the same goals in life, the same motivations, the same desires, and the same propensities for happiness and achievement, is either foolish or has had his brain rattled once too often, even though protected by a football helmet.

Do some women want to be a wife and mother? Yep. Do all women want to be a wife and mother? Nope.

Do some women want to work outside the home? Yep. Do all women want to work outside the home? Nope.

Do some women want a career, a marriage, and children? Yep. Do all women want all three? Nope.

Can some women find a spouse whose income will allow her to stay at home without needing employment? Yep. Can all women find such a spouse? Nope.

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Butker is an egocentric non-thinker and non-empathizer. He imagines only his philosophy of womanhood is proper. He imagines right-thinking people will desire only his philosophy of womanhood.

Butker has every right to his opinion, and Benedictine College has every right to invite him as a commencement speaker. But the rest of us have every right to challenge his ridiculous, absurd, foolish, laughable, ludicrous, preposterous and wacky thoughts.

— Community Columnist Ray Buursma is a resident of Holland. Contact him at writetoraybuursma@gmail.com.

Sentinel Leach is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.